Hi, I’m Tiffany.
Just another wannabe food blogger here, navigating the realms of htmls, upload links, a lack of professional photography training, a lack of professional culinary training, and a lack of technical know how and savvy.
Here’s the catch.
I have an eating disorder.
Specifically, an I’m terrified of food, restrictive anorexia eating disorder with a huge obsessive overexercise component.
Seem weird since I’m actually the most alive, and most at peace when creating things in my kitchen? Yeah, I haven’t figured it out either…
I’ve gone through the process. I was hospitalized (yes it was that bad) 3 years ago, and stayed there for a good 3+ months until I weight restored. Then I went into outpatient treatment, for a month before entering a residential treatment centre for another 3+ months. I did well, and I left weight restored.
But here’s the thing. I never recovered. Through all that I never did… I still hated myself, my body, had a denial complex in which I was still totally obsessed with exercise and eating “healthy” 98% of the time. Yes I ate finally… I just had to exercise it to maintain weight/lose it. Relapse was inevitable.
Fast forward to just a little while ago. I found this totally amazing person when I first started this recovery process years ago, who showed me how to love food again. And I’m so lucky because now, she’s helping me recover, and recover for real. I feel like I won the lottery. No seriously, no sarcasm here. Because here’s what I want in my recovered life, and the mandates by which I intend to live:
- No food rules. None. If I want pizza today and a burger tomorrow, I refuse to be confined to have a salad for lunch to balance it out. Because seriously, a week from now, I’ll probably have two salads in one day because I love vegetables and that is what I’ll want to eat THEN.
- No weighing or measuring food. Eventually, no portion sizes. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full. If that’s 2 chicken breasts, lovely! If that’s a half of one, who cares?! There is no rule (Side note: This is not possible in the beginning stages of recovery. I’m not delusional…eventual goals are listed here 🙂 )
- Exercise does not equal food. Calories in does not equal calories out. I want to exercise and do the things I love, and not have it have a correlation with what I eat in any way shape or form. I want to be healthy and strong.
- Try everything. Anything! Go out for dinner. Be with friends. Have a day where your PVR is more friendly than your gym shoes. And be okay with that.
- A day is not a day without peanut butter, in ample amounts. True story.
- End your day with something sweet. Because it makes you happy, because it tastes amazing. And because it’s okay.
This site catalogs my journey, the ups and downs, and celebrates the process of discovery. Discovery of flavours, foods, moderation, balance, and above all self. Make a tea (or a latte!) and stay a while!